I want to have your abortion
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
