Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
