I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Randomize
