Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
