do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
