she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
