I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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