If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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