Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
