My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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