she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
