His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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