I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
