Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
