Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think a kid would responsible me up
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
