kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
