This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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