I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
