So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
