I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Randomize
