i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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