he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
