dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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