Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
