You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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