goodnight i made you a song goodbye
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
