toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
