my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
