two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
