I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
