grandma shit on top of the toilet
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
