my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
