I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
