I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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