I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
