Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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