you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The uberlube is also flammable
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
