You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
