Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
