an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
