We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I will pee on everything he values.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
