How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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