I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
