Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
