Will you blow on my dice?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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