I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
