This dress was meant to end up on your floor
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
