the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
