Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
