we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
