Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
