So drunk its hurt
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
