Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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