i don't like sucking hair
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
