After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Randomize
