worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
