While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
