somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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