You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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