I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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