Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
