Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
