dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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