I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
