u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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