this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
