I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize